My so called Life

Married 27 year old Mama of 2 boys. D 10 yrs old, and X 2 Years old My Hubby of 3 years (but yes he is both my babys daddy)is my highschool sweet heart. We have been together for over 12 years. So follow along on our sometimes funny, but always chaotic path we call Life!

March 07, 2006


Ok so you can find me HERE
When the Wordpress Login Comes up Just make up a User name and Password (your cookies should save it after that) and you should be able to enter. If you have trouble leave me a comment here. Thanks!

Hope you come on over!

March 06, 2006


Well Blogger has frustrated me to no end. So I have taken the advise of an ex blogspot blogger and I am moving to different host. If you want to follow me then leave a comment or you can email me. I suggest emailing me cuz well i am loosing posts left and right and can't view comments.

Also Just wanted to let all my fellow readers of Bajan Queen know i just talked to her and she sounds great! She sounds really excited about the move to Maryland. She sounds really busy but in great spirits!

March 05, 2006

A wonderful weekend!!!

I left for western Maryland on Friday Afternoon with my mama for weekend of skiing and freash air. I must say it was a great ride up there. The kids were wonderful and the conversations were great. When we arrived up there we stopped at where we were staying to turn on the heat and then headed right back out to dinner. YUMMMY!! WE ate at UNO's. Again my kids were great! Threw back a few coronas..I wasn't driving. Headed back to the place got the kids settled in for bed and shot the shit with my mama.

On Saturday we woke up went down to have breakfast at this great lil coffee shop. Then My mom dropped me and D off at the WISP to go skiing. It was Just me and D skiing. It was great we hardly ever get to spend time together like that with out X. We had soooooo much fun!

That night D and I were able to talk my hubs into going skiing next year! It should be so much fun Cuz next year we will get X out on the slopes too. Can't wait.

The ride home...wasn't as relaxing as the ride there. X and D were both sooo tired but wouldn't fall asleep so they were fusing at each other A LOT!

So then we arrive home I think around 2:30ish, My husband was actually at home waiting for us to get there. I come in and this wonderful man of mine had wine waiting for me. God I love him. We are gonna TRY and squeeze one more weekend of skiing in before the end of march. Don't know if it will happen cuz it really hasn't snowed too damn much so full blown spring could arrive any day!

Here are some Pictures *CLICK

Since i went away I stole this from Golden...I need to do more traveling!!

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

How was your weekend?

March 02, 2006


Ok so have any of you seen that extremly mean show "parental control" on MTV. For those of you who havent the idea behind the show is If the parents don't like their childs boyfriend/girlfriend they pick 2 boys/girls to go on blind dates with their child..while they sit at home with the girlfriend/boyfriend and watch the date via the TV. Anyways, the parents ask a handfull of girls questions to pick the final 2. So a mom looking for a new girl for her sons asks the girls "Do you have any special talents" this one bitch came out the mouth with "I am really good at giving blow jobs" YUP THATS RIGHT SHE SAID IT TO THE MAMA AND NO SHE DIDN'T GET PICKED..

Ok so my question is this how does a woman (or a man) know they are exceptionally good at any sexual acts? I know how to satisfy my man i mean dahh we have been together like forever and are completly able to ask/tell the other what we like. But i have NO idea if i could satisfy another man the way i do him. And not to be nasty but other than using your teeth to much is there really such a thing as a bad blow job? I will have to ask the hubby that.....ACTUALLY NO SCRATCH THAT I DON"T EVEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT SHIT FROM HIM!! So whats everyones opinion on the aboved questions?

March 01, 2006

Spiritual guidance!

I have always been one of those people that cries easily. Yup I cry at the hallmark commercials during the Holidays, and I cried when in Toy Story Buzz found out he was really "just" a toy. During Movies my hubby and D at parts they expect I am crying will turn and laugh or shake there heads! It is how we know it was a good movie. I will probably always cry at stuff like that.

What I will not ever shed another tear about is things people say to intentionally hurt me. Hey I am not perfect I know I have said things that have hurt peoples feelings. I generally try not to go straight for the juggler though(not saying I never have, I just try not to). Last night I spoke to a very spiritual person Not necessarily religious, they do believe in GOD but they believe in and practice other things too like meditation for example. She is a person that is on a whole nother level than any person I have ever met. At first glance you would think she was a hippy. But she's not really. She just has such a rare connection to people, animals and the universe. She was in the peace Corp and spent 18 months in Africa, She now has her doctorate and actually is a professor at the college we went to. So anyways this person said I must flush myself of all negative thoughts and feelings about myself and about others when I am able to do this then I will be able to deal with things that are put in front of me and not allow them to cut so deep! This person told me that I must regain my trust back in people. That in part why wars and social unrest occurs is the inability people have to trust. And she is right on, I have lost trust in people in general and I lost it many years ago but didn't realize it. I must learn how to trust again. This includes trusting myself. I must stop blaming others for hurting my feelings b/c in reality it is me who allowed it to hurt my feelings. I must learn to remember to go with my insticnts when it comes to people, good and bad. No matter how long ago something happened, I must forgive BUT I must not forgive until I truly am able to forgive, false forgiveness is not good for anyone. I must be a stronger person. I must defend people even if it means giving bad news, guilt of not telling someone something they should have known can eat away at you! Although I must say there was a sense of relief when I told her some stuff that she said I must let it go and not allow it to bother one was seriously injured or traumatized by these things so telling them now would be pointless and unnecessary...Thank GOD b/c I didn't really want to anyways! But she did tell me back when I first felt I should have told this person about the situation that I must go with it should anything like that occur again..Remaining true to my conscience's..I really hope it never does!! I must stand stronger with my morals and values (don't we all?) If people around me are making decisions that are regular against my beliefs it will throw of my balance, Thankfully this has not happened much! Most of the people I have been around are in general good people. But I must be ready if it does! I must stopping placing blame on anyone including myself for anything, blame is a waste of energy things are what they are. I must walk away from each and every situation, good and bad, with a education if I don't..Then I would have just wasted time..And who has time to waste? All in all it was a enlightening conversation and a long one!! She has emailed me a list of books that she suggests I read...After I check them out..If they really are good I will pass the info on. She is one super smart cookie so I hope the shit isn't way over my head! LOL

February 28, 2006

Aw man!

I still can't figure out why February's and Novembers post won't show. As I was researching I discovered a few other posts missing. I am not sad about the posts because like I said I can still see them in my dashboard it's the comments that I can't get back. And damn it the post I had about listing 5 songs...The post itself is of no use to me it was the great lists that all of you came up with. I should have downloaded them right away or atleast wrote them down :(

So I have a funfilled weekend ahead of me. Sking! Well I hope, the people I am going with are watching the weather to make sure that it's not going to be TOO cold or rainy...Not fun conditions to ski in. If I don't go skiing I will be meeting a girlfriend of mine for dinner and drinks. I haven't seen her in years so that should be fun. If I do go skiing we are going to meet for lunch on Thursday...Thank the lord she is a SAHM too. Only problem is she lives almost 2 hours away. But the city we are meeting in she goes to a lot, Annapolis. She lives out in the damn boondocks and that is the closest real city where she actually can do shopping and real dinners. So she goes there about once a week.

You know I can't imagine not living in the locations I have lived in. I have always lived very close to shopping and restaurants and 2o mins from 2 major cities. I guess you get used to it and depending on your life it may be perfect. I know My sister loves living a lil away from civilization except when she needs bread and has to drive 20 mins to just get aloaf of bread! Me and the hubby have talked about all types of different places we would consider moving. At one point before X was born I was going to try and get a job in either the Virgin Islands or the Bahamas but then I got pregnant. We have also considered Florida..But only for a second. The humidity and hurricanes..we can't be bothered. So we have come to the conclusion that Maryland is really the place for us. Atleast for now anyways.

possible one of the most convenient weddings I will be going to is in April. It's my neighbors. The reason it's so convenient...We can actually walk home from the reception so that means both me and the hubs can drink!! Ok normally the weddings we have been to we have stayed at a hotel so really we both get to drink but this time we won't be paying 100 some dollars for the night. So that's really cool. I was talking to them last night about it...They are so excited. It's really cute. I can see the stress in her eyes cuz I was there exactly 4 years ago. With wedding season fast approaching I wonder how many weddings we will have this year. There was about a 2 year stint where we had atleast 5 weddings each year. Guess it's our age. But that shit gets expensive!! But every one of them was fun!

So finely tomorrow I will be joining a playgroup. Can I tell you that it is hard work to join these things. You can't just show up at a playgroup gathering...hell they won't even tell youw here it is. You have to go to a meeting for people who want to join. That's cool but damn they only have the meeting once a month. I don't know why they don't just believe me that I am not some crazy person just wanting to prey on a bunch of moms and their kids..I mean geez! lol. No, actually it does make me feel a little safer that they get your info and meet you before locations are released.

February 24, 2006

Hope I don't loose any readers...

But I am gonna talk about a very touchy subject. Before I go into though let me catch some people up on a few things about me. I have been with my hubs going on 13 years. He is black I am white, there for our children are mixed...very light skinned, but mixed none the less. I HATE it(and so does he and my son) when people that know he is mixed refer to him as "white", why? B/c that to me is like denying his father and that he has a whole nother side of genes and history! It is important to me that my children embrace both of their ethnicities. Since he (my 11 year old) learns all about white people history at school he learns black history at home. I grew up in the suburbs. Not all white but mostly. We didn't have too much diversity in school. I really only remember a few Asians, a few Hispanics, maybe 1 or 2 at the most kids of middle eastern decent. So our community was mostly White and black with a lil bit of other ethnicities. I grew up in Maryalnd in between DC and Baltimore city, so there was a blend of Socio Economic classes where I grew up.But for the most it was middle and upper middle class. For the most part I would say a majority of the people that grew up in my area were fairly sheltered. Not everyone...But most of us. In person, I didn't see a homeless person for the first time until I was 10. I didn't see a street walking hooker until I was 16. I didn't knowingly see a crack head for the first time till I was 16. No one ever tried to sell me drugs (harder than weed) until I was 20 and lost in Baltimore city. And do you know I still remember each of those experiences like they were yesterday. But since for the most part racial slurs weren't thrown around everyday I never really learned what they ment.

I have never been comfortable with racial slurs and jokes. Truthfully, most of the "jokes" I didn't even get anyways. I guess you could say I was pretty clueless about racial slurs until I was an older teenanger or in my early 20's. Funny story...When me and the hubs starting dating the whole "craker" thing came up (don't ask me how) and I said in my naive grew up in the burbs lil voice " so like are we called crakers cuz are skin is the same color as like a saltine craker?" (yes I said "like" 2 times in one sentence and yes I still do that, lol) Now something I didn't know about my hubby that I have since learned...He fucks with me all the time and doesn't tell me he is kidding. His response to my theory on crackers "yea" no laugh nothing, so I figured I was right.

I can remember the moment I learned this was not the truth very clearly, clear as day! I was at my hubbys apartment a few years later (yes I said YEARS) and the word cracker came up again. Only this time it wasn't just me and him, his brother and roommate and few other guys were there too (I was the only white person there) and I say "you know I don't know why anyone would take offense to being called a cracker." they all looked at me kinda weird and that's when I said it " I mean what our skin is the same color as a damn cracker. Whats so mean about saying that?" That was it, ever mother fucker up in that room was laughing their ass of at me, including my hubby. My darling hubby says "where the hell did you get that from?" so then I repeated the whole story and this dumb ass says to me " OMG I never said I was kidding and told you the real meaning" look of death was given to him by me at that point! I was just naive. I can remember watching The Jefferesons when I was really little and asking my mom "why does George keep calling that guy a Donkey" My mom says "because Donkey is like calling someone an Ass." I still don't know where the hell or what the word "honkey" means...And well lord knows what the hell my hubby would let me believe for years to come, lol. There are many many racial slurs I still don't know what the hell they mean.

So I was reading Humanity Critics blog and in tha last paragraph he says "Maybe not racist, but incredibly fucking stupid: It has always been my feeling that if you have to say, "I have plenty of black friends!!" to show you aren't a racist then something is seriously wrong. Listen, I can't say you are a racist if you have ever said the following things, but at least feel secure in you being a bona fide, steaming pile of shit: Anyone that aggressively argues the "reverse racism" argument, any person who wants to pull the "Hey, my family came here from Ireland!! What's the big deal?" discussion, people who want to compare the Holocaust to the slave trade, if you have ever asked a black person why there is a B.E.T and not a W.E.T, or ever openly wondered why you weren't allowed to use the "N-Word".

Here is my question. Why would any white person want to use any form of the "N-word?" I know I have no desire to make it apart of my daily language. No matter how "down" a white person is I still always think it sounds outta place when a white person says it. I just think there is too much background with that word too much badness from white people for white people to use it like it's now no big deal. Am I wrong?

Keep the list of songs coming. Wanna know why I asked for them? I was downloading music and well I am at a blank. I can't think of tittles, artists, nothing! And since the radio plays the same crappy rotation the radio was of no help but for maybe 2 songs! So I needed ya'll s help, :) thanks and keep them coming.

February 23, 2006

I need YOUR help!

I need all of you to do me a huge favor. If you could leave me a list of 5 of your Fav songs. Old, New any type of music ? Please! Thanks!

February 17, 2006

Wanna rent a 2 year old for the weekend???

It would be free...I will supply EVERYTHING YOU WOULD NEED!! LOL The thing thats sucks about having 2 kids that are 8 years apart is that often My 11 year old is gone for a night or 2 or like this weekend 3! But the lovely man X is still here. It was nice when it was just D if he was gone for the night me and the hubs could do whatever the hell we wanted, not so much anymore. If they were closer in age X would be going off to the Ski trip with D but i can't very well send a 2 year old sking..Can I?

So yea D is off Sking this weekend with my brother and his family. He is going to have sooooo much damn fun!! He loves sking and loves his cousins like sibblings. So hopefully this will make up fo being sick on his b-day.

My plans for the weekend are so damn exciting I CAN"T STAND IT!!

My to Do list: Emissions tests for both damn cars
Grocery Shopping
Clean (but hell thats on the everydamnday list *sigh*)
Run some other dumbasspainintheass erands
Take our shithole Truck to my sisters to have the BIL fix the brakes
Steam Clean the Carpets and furniture

I know you all are so jelouse it's ok I know I can't help that my life is so damn exciting!! Guess i am just lucky! HA!!!!

The one thing I am looking forward to is dinner with Brandi. So my hubby better be home on time.

Hope everyone has a nice long weekend...Get some R&R!

February 16, 2006

Picture MEME

Ok Everyone I did it! Well almost.. I need 1 more Thing
Brandi Wanted to see my Favorite Outfit
My Favorite Place in my house..This the best ever! Me and the hubby can snuggle on it or i can snuggle with both my kids on it :)
My Favorite Material Thing...My Hubby got it for me for our 2nd anniversary

Rhonda Wanted to See Upstairs Bathroom heres 1 pic and heres is the other
My Bedroom
Favorite Shoes I couldn't pick just one! lol

Lisa Wanted to see my computer
My Hairstuff I have 2 baskets full.
I still need to get the inside of my Van

I hope you enjoyed

Nothing like a good night sleep!!

Yesterday I dragged ass ALL DAMN DAY!! First I didn't fall asleep till close to 2am then at around 5 am I woke up from a really bad nightmare. My husband said I was screaming and crying until he shook the hell outta me to wake me up. Isn't that weird that I remmebered the dream but don't remember my husband shaking the shit outta me to wake me up! There once was a time if I woke up from a nightmare he would ask "what was it about" but after all these years of hearing my SICK, SCARY, SAD, DERANGED, STUPID, and WEIRD dreams he doesn't even ask anymore, LOL, guess I can't blame him! So anyways last night when I fell asleep I slept good!! REAL GOOD!!I feel so damn good today like I could take on a damn marathon..Ok that might be a bit of an exgeration but you get the point!

So I took most of my picture MEME stuff I just need to upload them to the computer, so you still got a lil time if you wanna see something you didn't ask for yet.

Have a nice day :)

February 15, 2006

Little Cock Blocker!!

Yea that's right I am calling my 2 year old a cock blocker! Ok I understand that he enjoys being mamas baby a lot..Maybe too much. His daddy is worried he is going to be a soft ass mamas boy. So I understand that he wants to hold on to his youngest child spot...But could you do it another night!! This child of mine AKA CB would not go to sleep until 1 fucking 30 in the damn morning! Nope he wasn't sick. He just called for me every damn 5 mins! And pulled every stalling move in the world to keep from going to sleep, I need water, gotta go potty, my belly hurts (followed by a damn laugh) I'm scared, book please, I'm cold, I'm name it the kid tried it! So no nooky on Valentines this year!

Poor D is sick, sick on his birthday! I had to go pick him up from school yesterday with a damn fever. Today he has a cough and just feels weak and ache! YUCK. Poor kid. He got out of bed long enough to blow out his candles and open his gifts. A DVD player for his room and a gift card to target to get whatever the hell he wants.

The hubby and I had carry out from TGI. Fridays, it was yummy!! He got me roses and a necklace. I will post pictures later.. Speaking of pictures.......

I got my camera....YEAH!!! So go ahead and keep the picture MEME request coming I will take pictures this afternoon when CB is napping and tonight while I wait for my hubby to come home to ravage him :)

How was your Love day? Tell me about it I wanna hear!!

February 14, 2006

My Valentine

So as i promised i would explain what Valentines day is to me and why I love it soooo.

When i was a kid/teenanger Valentines was just another day to me that i got candies and cards and when i had a boyfriend a cheesy teddy bear or some cheap ass jewlery. I never cared about having a date or a boyfriend on Valentines days. It just wasn't a big deal. I didn't take the time that day to say "I love you" to anyone.

So when i was 16 pregnant and scared out of my ever loving mind all i felt like i knew for sure was i was going to have this little baby and all this baby would have was me.

On February 14, 1995 I gave birth to my amazing child D. It was a long hard labor and a long hard birth. But when the doctor handed me my beutiful 8 pound 8 ouncespecial Valentine i fell in love instantly. It was the first time i felt what it was like to love unconditionally. In fact (and i don't mean to offend anyone) the only type of love that truly is unconditional is (well atleast should be) the love a parent has for their child. Every Valentines day i get to wake up look at my now handsome young man and really have a connection with all that Valentines day (should) represents.

So happy happy Birthday D. You have truly shown me what it means to love someone. I am so very proud of all that you are. Happy birthday "My Valentine"

Since 1995 Valentines day has been very special in this house. No i don't get gifts of Diamonds and pearls from the hubby. We often don't have the money to do both a big birthday for D and an extravegent Valentines for each other. My best and most romantic Valentines day with my hubby was back in 1999. I was a full time student and worked part time my hubby was getting fucked by his employeer so he wasn't making what he was worth so we didn't have much money, not even enough for carry out dinner. My husband cooked me dinner (one of the VERY few times this has occured) he made Fried rice and steakums (yea i know weird mix but it tatses good) he then put it in the shape of a heart and served me!! Loved it, it still puts a smile on my face :)

Special Valentine wishes To all of you, my family, My friends, My God Son, MY God daughter and Of course my hubby!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Valetines day!

February 12, 2006

Would You?

For a minute I want everyone to answer honestly ( if you choose to answer at all). Leave your answer anonymously if you feel more comfortable, but I really want to know.

What I want to know is would you give your life to save another? I am also going to assume everyone who reads this that as children would for them, with out a second thought. Put that aside... SO Before you answer I want you to really think hard. Most of my regular readers are single mothers. Would you be willing to give up your life and know that your children would be raised by someone else? Would you be willing to sacrifice all of your future for someone else? All of life's pleasures and pains? I know the PC answer would be yes. Or atleast Yes to save a loved ones life? But would you really? If it was possible to go into a hospital and trade your life to save your best friends, your mothers, your sisters, your brothers.. a total stranger.Would you do it? If you would under what circumstances would you?

Look at all these rumors!

I can deal with people talking about me behind my back. Call me a bitch, say i am fat whatever. What i can't stand is lying about me. Don't put me places i never was. Don't say i said something to you, about you or anything else when your funky ass knows i didn't say anything even close. Don't think you can tell a person something personal(true or not true) about me and think that, that shit won't spread like wildfire and come back to me. The lying about me is ridiculous.

I am fully aware that every one talks about other people. Don't say that you don't cuz your only liying to yourself and everyone else. Anytime you state your opinion about someone else's life is talking about them .."i don't know why she is so dumb, staying with that ass hole" yes people shit like that counts. BUT atleast be honest, don't completly make shit up. And certainly don't say shit like " I can't stand **insert name here** " then call them up the next day and invite them out to dinner or shopping or some shit. All i ask is don't lie about me. Don't put me in some shit i know nothing about until my name was put into and it was brough to my attention. Thats it. Call me a bitch, hell i know i can be bitch sometimes. Just don't make shit up. Trust me i have enough flaws no one should ever need to make up some make believe shit about me. And under NO circumstance drag me into some shit i don't know shit about.

This has happened to me so many times in my life. What is it about me that makes people say to them selves "Lets say Melinda said this..even though she didn't" or "lets say we heard it from Melinda even though Melinda hasn't even heard about it yet" I will tell you what i must black out or something cuz apparently i know so much about so much shit but have no clue about any of it untill i hear from someone else that i told someone else bla bla bla weeks ago. UH?

It's no wonder why i have trust issuies. All i have to say is Kudo's to the person i spoke to today who thought the shite sounded shady and not like me and thought i should know that some how people are hearing about my personal business (true or not). Thanks!

February 11, 2006

I love me a White blanket

OF snow that is. It has finely begun to REALLY snow here! Doesn't look like we will get to play in it today but come Sunday morning..Watch out! One of D's Xmas gifts was a snow board, my fat ass will be on it tomorrow. X is going to go BUNK FUCKING WILD!! I can't wait!

On the other hand snow is a double edged sword in this house. When it snows my hubby has to go into work :( So he doesn't get to play in it with us too often.

So I went to have my brows waxed earlier and I think they may have had the wax just a lil too damn HOT.

Get the picture meme questions coming

February 10, 2006


First of all as some as you may remmeber waaaaaaay bac 2 weeks ago My ever so loving youngest child broke my digital camera. Finaly this evening i got around to actually trying to find out about getting it fixed. So i went straight to the Manufacturer..Hewlet Packard. Now when i called i was hoping that they would say Send it to us and we will fix it for under $100. Well thats' not exactly what they said. First of all I can not find the serial number on teh camera ANYWHERE to give it to the customer care person to find out if it is still under warranty. So then she takes my info and tells me soemone will call me within a few days to see what they can do. OK cool whatevea. About an hour later i get a phone call after i explained to him what was wrong with my camera he says "ok, when did you purchase it?" i tell him it was a xmas gift in 2004. He says ok so it's past the warrenty anyways so the serial number isn't really neccessary". O hell so i gotta pay full price..maybe i should just get a new camera?

NO... WAIT!!

Dude then continues talking to me and tells me "here this is what we will do i will send you out a replacment, it won't get their till monday" i am sitting here a little confused like so you just assume i want to buy another your not even going to ask me. So when i say "how much" he says ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? "We will wave the $100 replacment fee, so it will cost you nothing, Iwill include with the new camera a prepaid stamp just send us the broken one"

SO in HONOR of the lovely man over at Hewlet Packard i will join in on the fun that Schatzi, Brandi, Lisa and I think Rhonda did and do a picture meme. So What do you want to see..UH? Just list them i am not going to limit the number you can ask, I am so damn excited about getting my camera back /fixed/replaced that if you ask me to take 100 pictures i would be more than happy to do it :)

Enjoy your weekend! And be creative for the picture meme :)

February 09, 2006

I Can't Do it?

First, I slept on a show. I realy only watch 2 shows..LOST (my 1st love) and DH. I catch other shows every now and then. It usually takes a really good episode to really grab the hell out of me. Tonight i watched teh replay of Greys Anatomy. I have seen this show many times before. I liked it and would watch it if i wasn't upstairs with the hubby. But it wasn't a show that if the hubby called to me ever so nicely i would say "wait"..HA HAHAHAHA to the hubby cuz this show has me now! My body and mind are now off limits to you Wen. from 9-10 and Sunday from 9-11. LOL

Before i ask my question to all of you let me explain a lil something about myself. I can deal with myself being in pain, do i cuss and scream and all of that..HELL YES. But i do not ever panic. BUT if someone else is in pain i am done, i can not handle it, i WILL panic. When my oldest son got his first set of shots I FUCKING FAINTED in the Dr office, yes my kids pediatrician had to grab me call for a nurse and hold my baby and call for a nurse to bring me smelling salt all at the same time. When My sister was giving birth to my neice i could only stay in their untill thepain started for her..Why? Because my weak ass was a damn mess, crying cuz i couldnt handle seeing my sister in so much pain I had to get the hell outta there! Even in the damn waiting my room my step mama had to keep telling me to breath and stop pasing. When i man that i don't even like (not even a little) very much was in a motorcycle accident and in the damn shock truama i was basically told to go the hell back down to the lobby by Rhonda and Brandi..Why? B/C my weak ass was four shades whiter than normal and i was sweating like crazy. Then when one of my best friends (brandi) was giving birth to her first child even though i was invited to stay in the room i had to leave... why? Because my weak ass 7 month pregnant self (with my second child mind you) could not handle it. HELLO what the hell!!! I gave birth why was it so hard for me to see 2 people i love very much (my sis and Brandi) go through that shit..I did it i, knew exactly what it was like ..People in pain make me panic...If it is someone i love i will cry and will get frustrated( or hell just faint) with the doctors and nurses with the whole it's their fault! I know i will only make the situation worse so if i can i will remove myself from the situation. I am not the first person you want call with a major medical emergency. But i wonder sometimes if i was it, if i was the only person you could count on would i remain calm through the storm and the freeeeeak the hell out afterwards. I have only been in this situation once when my poor D was 3 years old and needed to get stitches on his eye lid. If you have had a toddler that needed stictched you know what they do... strap that baby up so they CAN NOT move any part of their body. It was horribale but i had to reamin strong for HIM he was scared and didn't understand what the hell was going on i did fine until i got home to my husband and broke down in tears.
Now that you know how "well" i am in medical situations this brings me back to Greys anatomy (if you didn't see it yo won't understand.) Would i be able to stand their with my hand inside another persons body knowing it was basically a bomb and if i let go he and maybe me would die? OR would i run the hell outta their like Christina Riccie's character did?
I am a bit of a control freak so would i feel more comfortable knowing if i just stay the hell still and hold everything might be ok? OR would i be like FUCK THIS I AM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!

Needless to say i never wanted to be a nurse or a Doctor! LOL
***SIDE NOTE...Can all of yo that are linked email me so ican save yor emails..if you want me to have it... so i can save the shit. I am somewhat blogger retarted and can't always find email address but often want to email you...SHut up don't laugh at me..NAW IT'S OK LAUGH AT ME! LOL
Are you GOOD under MEDICAL situations?

Public Service Announcment!

To all people who use email. Use with caution!! I recieved an email from a friend that was obviousily not ment for my eyes to see. As i read i was confused, very confused...WHY WOULD SHE SEND THIS TO ME???? It's amazing what you will learn about people when an email has been sent to you by mistake that wasn't for you. So I say to everyone...Be VERY careful with your emails. If it is not something you want everyone and anyone to read i would not send it via email. If you don't wan't the person who the email is about to read it don't email ANYONE. If it is about something you said, did, or didn't do..Don't email it. It could have really bad consequences and peoples feelings and or relationships could get hurt.

Peace OUT!


So as many of you regular readers (even you lurkers) know i had some pretty big life experiences occure in the past year... i wish they didn't all have to happen at once but i can't change that. With each experience i questioned/pondered alot of things. In the past year i have done much less talking and alot more thinking. The first one being What is REALLY important in life? What do i need to let go of and what do i need to hold onto? Is friendship important? Who are my friends? What makes them my friend? Do they consider me a friend? Is romance important? Is Marriage important? Is makeing myself happy important? Is making others happy more important? Am I happy? What is happy?Do i show my children my love for them enough? Too much? Can you ever love someone too much? Who knows me? Who do i know? Should i ever be shocked at others actions? Do i trust too much? Do I not trust enough? What is my purpose in life? Do i have a purpose? Did I fullfill that purpose? Will i ever full fill that purpose? How do i make them understand? How do i make myslef Understand? What if i die tommorow? What if i live to be 100? Would i be able to handle all the pain of lose that people that old must endure? What if my husband dies? Can i really endure that type of pain? What if i die? Who will make the kids eat Vegetables? Should i talk to someone about...? Will they tell someone else? Am i going crazy? Am i already crazy? Am i a strong person? Whats good about me? Whats bad about me? why can't i take a damn complimant to save my life? Why do i take critisism so straigh to the heart? Do i care what other people think about me? Should I care? Should i care what people say about me? In the end will any of this actually matter?

Do you see why i don't sleep well(that list was a small list)? After talking to a very wise person of the minds she said since this here blog is such a great way to vent, to get things out , to organize my thoughts to go ahead and really really use it ! I want to really know me, understand me and love me that is my immidiate life goal. I must face my fears head on. AND boy do i have a lot of them!

Do any of you sit and wonder these things or things like this?

February 08, 2006

How real about YOURSELF to yourself are you??

Everyone knows that people can be "fake"or only show certain aspects of their self at certain times for all different reasons. Are people real with themselves though? If someone says I never do that, or i never say that do they know they are full of shit? Should they be called out on it by other people or do they have to learn it themselves? Are people willing to truly accept and admit to their own flaws and mistakes? If asked a question about their tendencies or traits are people likley to answer it HONESTLY even if it doesnt cast them in such a great light?

Are you real with yourself?

A work in progress

For awhile now i have been ona mission to really get to know myself. Learn my good characteristics and learn my flaws. To try and change what needs to be changed. It's not easy to really learn about yourself. It can be scarry at times cuz the truth is there are things that no matter what i do i can not change about myself. I really am very different than I was a few years ago. Certainly there are things about me that are the same and will never change. But alot of my views and the way I deal with things have changed drastically. I know certainly alot of it has to do with getting older. For the last few years I have been reading books that guide you through the process. I must admit though since my son turned one i have yet to finish a book, my ass falls asleep after 2 mins of reading. I don't think enough people do this, truth be told it's very hard to do, who the hell wants to look at themselves. Alot of the reason i guess i started really looking at myself was b/c i want my marriage to be as good as it can be and i can not change my husband or anyone else for that matter but i can change myself. There was a time i was pretty demanding of people. The problem i realized with be as demanding is that you will be let down and disapointed way too often, why live like that? I certainly still have deal breakers that will cause me to not want to put up with your ass. For a very long time i held my husband up to expectations that were pretty much impossiable for any person to ever reach. Since i was always looking for more... More romance, more attention, more flowers, more, more, more i was totally overlooking everything that he was giving me...It was a lot but i was so obbsessed with the imposiable mark of perfection i didn't see it. Is he perfect, no not at all, but when i stopped expecting him to be perfect i was able to really appreciate him. I am not much of a nagger (never really was), yes i still bitch and complain about shit but not like before, hell i ain't close to perfection either. I would defiently say i bitch atleast half as much as i used too. I am slowly learning that people are who they are and somethings just will never change so i can either accept it or get the hell outta dodge. My Husband is late for everything, this you use to bother me to no end, in fact it was something we use to fight about all the damn time. Then i learned he is just late, has always been late and probably always will so now i just expect a phone call to let me know. I use to be very critical, i still have my moments of course. In general though now i like to explore why people are who they are and make the desicions they make instead of just making blanket statments.

February 07, 2006


Ok not real drama. X and I went to a local library for story time. We have gone in the past just to another library cuz it was by my Gym and the time was perfect. So today I decided to try a different one, in hope of more kids. There were more kids so that was good. The story reader isn't as good as the one at the other library but there is more activities cuz their is ALOT more room. During the songs my child had his face barried in my chest like he is a shy kid, but then as soon as the song was over he would jump up clapping and singing..guess he just wanted it to be a solo!

So as you all know my lovely son D is grounded. Don't know why and don't care either but he has been doing extra chores w/out being asked! LOVE it!

Hope everyone is having a nice day.


February 06, 2006


Hope everyone had a nice weekend, had a good superbowle party got a lil R&R!

Friday was pretty uneventful. Just chilled at the house. My Brother in Law came over and we just all sat around chit chatting.

On Saturday afternoon I went to go Pick up D from Rhonda's, he spent the night Friday night. I get there and find out these dumbass PRE-TEEN morons pranked called people at 1 am. Needless to say D is grounded for a week from everything..It's just him and books till next Sunday. Lots of other priviladeges have been taken away indefinitely. Sleepovers, and now (when he is off punishment)he is only allowed to play in my front and back yard. You know what really sucks about having to ground your kids, in someways I am grounding myself! You know, we can't go to fun stuff, so that sucks!

Went to the grocery store after his bball game, BY MYSELF!! That is such a treat! lol. That is so sad!! :) Me and the hubby watched "Into the Deep". Wasn't AWFUL but wasn't good either.

On Sunday I cleaned then the superbowl party was moved from my father in laws to my brother in laws. It was nice. The food was really good. He has a cute puppy that I fell in love with. Over all I was impressed with My brother in laws growth over the past few years. He was all excited to show me around his new place, his shower curtain and pictures. It was really funny. If you knew him you would understand, he is hard one to explain. But he really has grown up lately. Probably has a lot to do with his girlfriend. She is from Africa. A very nice girl. She takes good care of him. But I don't know how to connect with her. There is certainly language barriers. I speak fast and it's hard for me to slow down with out it seeming like I am insulting you. She has a very thick accent so I have a hard time understanding her. As far as her personality I don't really know much. She is extremely reserved. I guess I am disappointed. I always hoped when my brother in law settled down with someone that me and her would really have a lot in common. My hubby and him are very close so we spend a lot of time with him. She isn't much of a partier. She is kinda boring (probably what my brother in law needs). O' well she really loves him and she is good with my kids.

Today is somewhat of a chill day since I don't have to go to the grocery store. A lil cleaning, a lil laundry. Nothing exciting at all!

Hope everyone is having a good day!

February 03, 2006

It's Friday!!!

First I must admit this week went fast for me! Maybe cuz i actualy had contact with adults waaaaaaay more than normal! Monday Night i just chilled but my hubby got home earlier than normal. Than Tuesday we met the FIL and MIL for FIL's birthday dinner at Outback Steak house for dinner..NOT A SINGLE ONE OF US GOT STEAK! Then On Wendsay i met Rhonda and Brandi and their children for dinner. Then Thursday night i chiled with the hubs and then tonight i will chill with te hubby. And then today i went to the park with my step sister and her son she is in from outta town so i am sure i will be spending lots of days with her during the week next week. Exciting week i know but it is wonderful to see other adults in the evening like that *big smile*

So after all the excitment during the week how am i gonna top that over the weekend????

Sat D has a game and then i will be off to the mall. I am in MAJOR need of some new bras. Then I will clean up and chill (hopefully).

Sunday we will be going to the FILs house for the superbowl. I really would prefere to go to one of the other umpteen billions superbowl parties going on but it's a tradition we go there and so who am i to complain! I hope everyone has a great weekend and i hope the



S. Valentine images

February 02, 2006

More Meme stuff!

Lisa Asked
1. If you ever got another tattoo what would it be and where? A strawberry that has been bitten into with a few juice drops dripping from it on my boobe!
2. If you could live anywhere where would it be? Somewhere in the Caribbean
3. Other than your family and friends what is your most prized possession? My photographs. My Sisters husbands parents lost all their photos in the fire so they have very few photos of the early years, that would sadden me deeply!

I was tagged by MSNHIM

If I were.... MEME

If I were a ______ I would be??
Car: A convertible---- cause I love to feel the wind in my face
Book: A detective novel--- cause I will break out the spotlight on your ass to find out what I need to know
Movie: Romantic Comedy..I love to laugh and I love a good love story
Weather: Sunny and 110 degrees...I make em drip sweat! lol
Drink: A glass of Merlot.. because I have class BUT I will smack the shit outta you if your not careful
Ice Cream Flavor: vanilla...DAH!!
Song or Genre of Music: R&B...B/C like R&B I can get you in the mood.
Shoe: Open toe pumps...I always like to show a lil something!
Food: Lasagna...B/c I have lots of layers and some are yummier than others!

This was fun. I Tagg Everyone on my bloggroll and anyone reading this

February 01, 2006

Answers to questions

Here are the answers to the questions i have gotten so far. Keepem commin!

DEE asked
1. How did you start blogging? Brandi andRhonda

2. What do you get from this blog thing? A way to sort shit out in my head. Advice from some really smart chics. and somplace where i can completly bitch and brag about my kids and hubby!

3. How often do you blog/read others? If you are linked on my blog, I read you (just about)everyday.

Bajan Queen Asked:
1. What is the motivation behind your post? I have all different mostivations. When i am bitching it's to just vent. Sometimes i am looking for advice, sometimes i just like to see what people think.

2. How long have you been married?
It will be 4 years in April

3. What are your favorite foods? Maryland Crabs, Salad and lobster

4. What is your zodiac sign? Proud Scorpio here!!!

Me crazy Me Asked:
1. Who is your favorite blogger? This awful.... I love all my bloggers for all different resasons . But i must say I really like reading Mary's cuz she is a funny chic and i know her post will most likely give me a good giggle!

2. Have you been to a blogger meetup or plan to attend one? No i never been to one. I am not sure. I kinda like the idea that people don't know me, but then on th other hand i would love to me all my regular reads!

3. Are you in love with your husband? Very Much. I love him more and more everyday, and since we have been together for almost 13 years thats alot of love :)

Brandi Asked
1. What do you like to do to relax? HA! On a daily after the children have gone to bed i sit back and enjoy a glass or 2 of wine. Special occassions i like to go out with the girls!

2. What's one thing that has happened in the last year that you regret the most? Keeping so much inside.

3. What is the best thing that has happened to you in the last year? Through all the bad shit me and the hubbys marriage got stronger and stronger.

1. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 14---WAY TO DAMN YOUNG!!!
2. What wont you do sexually? HMMM, The only think i will not do is bring a third person into me and th hubbys bedroom.
3. Whay have you not done sexually but have though about? Anal. We have tried, but failed each time..That shit hurts!

Rhonda Asked
1. If you had one wish what would it be? Aside from the obviouse a million $, Peace on earth and a long happy life for my kids I would wish that my hubby could start his business today and it would be very successful and he wouldn't have to work as much or as hard as he does now.
2. If you could change one thing about your present life what would it be? More money
3. How would you tell someone nicely that you felt they were being too intrusive? Is this a hint? LoL. If they were being to intusive by asking me nosey questions I didn't want to answer i would just change the subject and tell them "i don't feel like talking about that" if they were being to intrusive Physically i would just tell them " i need more me time / family time /couple time. I hope that answered the question.

All hell even if you wanna ask me more and you already asked me some go ahead and ask. I have nothing to post about right now, it will give me something to say.

January 30, 2006

It was good!

My weekend with my sis was great! Exactly what I needed to recharge my brain. Since I don't get regular breaks from the kids I really do rely on special stuff to regain my sanity. My Sister owns a great lil condo up in the mountains about 3 and half hours away from here. and that is where we went. Me and her didn't stop talking on Friday night from 7pm when she picked me up until 5am! AND we went through 2 damn bottles of merlot! But I got to sleep in the next day so I still got a good 6 hours of sleep. Then we went skiing. I have pretty muched skied since I was 6 years old but I really do recommend even if you are 50 years old, you must try it. That night we were asleep by midnight. Then we went shopping and then home Sunday.

We both of course started missing our kids like crazy on Saturday. When I got home D came gave me a big hug and X went buck frikin wild squeezing me and kissing me like he hadn't seen me in years. It was a wonderful welcome home!

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!


Stuff for your blog!

January 27, 2006


Well I am off to a mini vacation with my big sis. I am looking Forward to some R&R away from the kids, even though in a few hours I will be missing them like crazy!

I will come back more relaxed, refreashed, and happier. I would say i wil take pics but..X threw my damn camera and broke it. Hopefully I can have it fixed :( He is lucky i didn't break his lil ass!

Everyone have a nice and safe weekend. If you havent gone here yet, please do. Vote or even better leave a story :)

Lots of Love :)


Stuff for your blog!

January 25, 2006

Thank God My feet are so small!!

Thanks everyone for the really good advice! I think I am gonna do a lil bit of what everyone said. Starting with getting some sleep tonight! I spoke to the person briefly at about 11pm, they called me which was a welcomed surprise!! This is definitely a talk that I need some more education on..You know gather more evidence, less speculation and more facts to approach this person with.

BUT back to my thinking happy motto.....I would like to give a big shout out to a lady who has been peeping my posts for a few days now...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND HAPPY ( a few days early) 1 year anniversary!!! :) Leave a comment..Email me something!!! And I have to keep D away from your daughter, he saw a pic of her the other day and was all"who is that?" when I told him he had a "what,what!" look on his too interested in girls lil face!!

And now on to the why I titled this post as I did.

Sometimes..Ok maybe I should say a lot...I put my foot in my mouth (not literally, lol)

So I took the boys to chic*fila for diner this evening. When we first arrived these 2 boys, I would guess 5 and 6 years old were running around the damn restaurant all buck wild and be loud as shit. Almost running into people over and over again. So I am thinking in my head "I wish these kids mom and dad would frikin yell at them already instead of just chasing them around the damn place like it's a game" We go grab a seat as far away from these people as I could find, I wouldn't want there unruly children giving my perfect lil angels any bad ideas (hahahahaha)

So 10-15 mins later I take the kids over to the indoor playland to run off energy. Moments later "that" family comes walking in and the boys start going crazy running all over the place. Then the dad grabs the oldest boy and starts signing to him. No the kids were not deaf but both the parents were. I then gently grab both my feet shove in my mouth and crawl in corner!!
DUMBASS THEY CAN"T YELL and the kids have learned this!! I SUCK!!

Got this from Baja Queen who got it from Lisa

Your Love Element Is Wood

In love, you tend to gently dominate and guide your partner.
For you, love is all about sharing goals and future plans.

You attract others with creativity and vision.
Your flirting style is defined by your honesty and assertiveness.

Growth and improvement are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may focus on goals too much in relationships, but you never come out of them with a loss.

You connect best with: Water

Avoid: Metal

You and another Wood element: will be doomed to a stormy relationship


Today I am feeling:

So for the past few weeks I have had a bad case of insomnia like 3 nights a week. I can tell you about every lil mark on my ceiling!! So last night I layed in bed thinking about a situation I must talk to someone about. I must be tactful. The person I need to talk to is very sensitive and at times can have a bad temper. But something must be said. I don't think they will get it at first and I am sure they will say I am wrong to think and feel the way I do. I don't wanna seem preachy or bitchy. But it is very important that what I say is truly heard. I have gone over the conversation in my head about 100 times and every response they could have to what I say. I am still worried though that tempers will flair, feelings will be hurt and nothing I said will be heard. When I discussed all this with the hubby he said " well Melinda that's all you can do, if they don't wanna listen and they get mad you can't beat them until they listen , you can give facts and examples until your blue in the face, SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T GET IT" That makes me nervous though. I don't want to say anything that is going to cause distantce But I certainly can't go on not falling asleep until 4 am. But.... then if it blows up in my face I still won't be sleeping b/c then I will be trying to think of ways to fix it!! AHHHHH has anyone been in this position? Any advice would be appreciated here!

January 24, 2006

Headaches suck so bad!!!

Yesterday I woke with a "drank too much merlot the night before headache" But by noon it had turned into a damn migrain. I actually took a nap while the kid was sleeping..I never take naps. But the light was hurting so bad that I had to close my eyes. Why is it when I get a headache I feel like I have Superman super hearing. Every little noise sounds like it has been turned up to the highest notch on a speaker and the speaker is in my head!!!

So now I have to clean up all the messes that I just left last night cuz well I just couldn't be bothered!!

So I am off to clean! :(

January 20, 2006

I am on a blog roll!!

Ok so i am just a tad bored today...Can you tell!!! I did so much Cleanning yesterday i don't have anything to clean today. X is asleep right now, and D is out playing with is friends. So it's just me and the TV. Ok i can sit and watch a movie or watch certain TV shows (lost) with out doing anything else but for the most part i find it very difficult anymore to just sit. So i am blogging..AGAIN!!! I was getting irritated with Brandi's link cuz everytime i would click it it would take me to the same post that was from a few months ago, so damn irritating. So i had to delete it twice and reenter it to finanly get it right...YAY now i always go to her newest post not the same post i have probably read 100 times (ok so i didn't read evertime, lol). I haven't been bored like this in a long time.

So i am sitting here watching O*Prah and how this obviously "i want my kids to think i am cool" mom hired a damn stripper for her sons 16th birhday. What the hell. I don't think it is really appropriate at any age for a mom to hire a stripper for her son but certainly not a 16 yr old. THEN to top it off it was a party with 10 of his 16 year old friends there too. If i was any of those kids mom i would be livid!! ANd this woman says "i wasn't letting them see anything they hadn't already seen" WHATTTTTTTTT!!!! they are 16 if they are seeing naked bodies, live and in person, it should be the bodies of girls their own age or them SNEAKING into strip clubs or spying on the hot neighbor! And hey if my 16 year old son comes and tells me "mom i am having sex with a girl" i am not going to say OK well since your already doing it let me hook you up with the slut girl down the street i heard she sucks a mean Dick! UH!!! WHy do parent want to be friends with their children? I do not want my kids atleast not anytime in the near future if ever, to look at me as a friend. I want them to know that i am one of the few people in their lives that really only want the best for them and never would wish ANYTHING but the best for them. I want them to know they can come to me for sound advice, on just about anything and know my advice is always my view of what is in the best intrest of them. I want them to have a good time with me and like my company. Relationships between children and parents change as the people get older, well i atleast know mine has. I can certainly talk about certain things with my parents that i couldn't/wouldn't when i was 16, but some shit is still off limits! I will never ever ever ever ever ever talk about multiple orgasims with them, things like that...NO!! BUt with my friends there are no limits to subject topics we can/do or will talk about.

January 19, 2006

The Day Was Good Until....

So I got alot done today. Cleaned the hell outta my upstairs. Then around 4pm I went to go take a shower. Got Dressed, Pulled my hair back, braided it and went down stairs to this...

The pictures don't even do it justice as too what a really WILD mess it really was, my couch cusions were actually flipped up! I guess a 10 yr old and 2 yr old are well...MESSY!! So then after i cleaned it all up and got it looking like this

Then MAYBE 5 mins later D calls me from upstairs in the hall way (i sent him and X upstairs to get out of my way so i can clean) "MOM X is throwing up!"

Sure enough i get to the top of the stairs and there is D holding X and X leaning over puking all over the floor.

Now first let me tell how bad i feel, THE GUILT i have!! When i came down to the mess i said to X :help me clean up all these toys RIGHT NOW" He picks up maybe one thing then starts whining "my belly hurts" yea ok kid sure it does, 2 mins ago you were running around this living room like a damn tornado and all of a sudden NOW that i want you to help clean up your belly hurts!! Thats when i sent them upstairs! So then when like 30 mins later or so he throws up I felt awful!

Now I know it is NO ONES favorite thing to do, but i really really hate cleaning up throw up! I gag and sometimes throw up myself. If he is home the hubby will clean it up cause he can't stand listening to me gag! So as soon as i finish he starts puking again, this time we made it to the toilet! I feel like every room in my house smells like puke!

The kid is dry heaving and wont eat anything! How do you explain to a 2 year old i know the thought of any food (even bread) is making your tummy do flips but atleast if you are throwing something up in't won't hurt your belly as much and it won't feel and taste like pure acid. Thankfully he is asleep right now. It is going to be a long LONG night!

Here is a pic of the poor sick kid laying in my bed....I wised up quick and decided i didn't want to have to wash all my bedding tonight and we moved downstairs.

January 16, 2006

Is His dream Almost a Reality?

So as everyone Knows today we celebrate the Birth, Life, word and Death of One Americas Greatest Icons. A strong man he was. To stand on the frontlines of the American war of Civil rights. To See many of his fellow Americans (yes black and white) loose their lives in the fight of equality. I truly appreciate all that this Man and many like him fought for for if it wern't for him and his fight I could not be married to my Husband today, My neighbors would no be who they are and My Sons Best friend would not be who he is for he wouldn't never have probably met him.

Many people say ONE person can not make a difference. If we learn nothing else from this brilliant peacful man it is that YES ONE CAN! One person can give another person to fight for what they believe. Every person effects atleast one person, try to make it a good effect.

What have you done to make his dream a reality?

Many People Only know the small excerpt from his most famous speach, please take the time and read the whole thing Below. Or Listen And Watch it HERE

The following is the exact text of the spoken speech, transcribed from recordings.


I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, When we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

IF THAT DID NOT MOVE YOU..Even a Little..!!!!